Saturday, August 4, 2007

Hold On A Sec

This is a phrase that's slowly making me crazy. I work part time at a fast food restaurant, primarily in the drive through. You'd be amazed at how many times a day I hear that phrase. The scenario goes something like this...Me: "Hi, may I take you order please?" Them: "Hold on a sec." Me: "Okay, let me know as soon as you're ready." They then spend anywhere from the next 30 to 90 seconds yelling at their kids, talking on the phone or having an animated conversation with their imaginary friends in the backseat. No big deal, you might think. Maybe not, but it goes back to the rude, self absorbed behavoir that's taking over the world because 99% of the time, there is at least one other hapless person waiting behind them. These people populate the drive through mostly during the lunchtime rush, when there are actually eight to ten cars stacked up behind them. A few tips: If you're on a terribly important phone call that can't wait, pull completely through and rejoin the end of the damn line! If your kids are being obnoxious, I'm betting they don't really need shakes, cookies or curly fries right now, bring their sugar levels down a bit and try again later! If the voices in your head are being screechy and insistent, TAKE YOUR MEDICATION! Don't make me listen to it, my little headset forces me to listen as it stays activated as long as a car is sitting at the speaker. I hear it are not invisible or inaudible when you're in your car...we CAN see and hear you. In our case, the whole joint can hear you because we have a speaker hanging over the sandwich makers' area...we ALL hear you. Keep that one in mind the next time you're in the drive through.

I think people really do believe they become invisible when they get in the car. How many times have we seen people exhibiting embarassing behavoirs in the car? The nose pickers are my personal favorite. There they are, energetically mining in their nasal cavity, oblivious to the fact that my kids are nearly wetting themselves at the sight. The singers are my next favorite, mainly because I am one of them. There's a certain thrill when you see the person in the car next to you singing the same song at the top of their lungs that you're currently singing. If you notice each other, there you have a shared moment of communion with a complete stranger, one you'll likely never see hope. I have seen some whoppers of obliviousness while driving; the guy who was plucking nose hairs going down the highway, the woman picking her teeth with a matchbook at a stop light, and my all time favorite, the guy at a standstill in heavy traffic that has taken his shoe off and was clipping his toenails. Wow, doesn't anyone have a bathroom? It does seem like more and more of our personal grooming takes place in the car, doesn't it? I will admit to putting lip stuff on at a stop light, but I'm truly not coordinated enough to do much more than that in the car.

My family and I travel down to see the rest of my relatives just about every major holiday and some of the stuff we see on these journeys is truly notable. We once enountered an alarming number of buffalo on a county highway just before an interstate, they had liberated themselves from their pasture and were milling about in a rather advanced state of confusion when we came upon them. Being unable to find a house or barn nearby, we made our way to the next outpost of civilazation...a nearby junkyard. We told the assembled fellows about the gathering herd and the response was both amusing and a bit disconcerting..."Oh, that's Earl's herd, someone better call him." Not a single gasp, exclamation or even a raised eyebrow, no one even made a mad dash for the phone...rather, he ambled. Our civic duty done, we continued on our journey and had a lovely visit with my family. We took the same route home after the holiday and really had little or no surprise when we encountered the same herd of buffalo loose on the same bit of county highway. Somebody better call Earl.