Getting It All Out

In trying to not let the bad stuff creep into this generally happy space I've attempted to create here, I have come to realize that I've hamstrung myself quite a bit.  Last year sucked, it sucked more than I ever imagined anything could actually suck and still be survivable and I'm still not put back together yet. There it is, I'm not there yet but I'm trying.  The world has become dark and scary and finding patches of light has become harder and harder but we manage to do so, we have to.  I am finding that I have to detox from the news and the internet from time to time because I'm far more fragile than I thought. Sometimes the sad and scary stuff overwhelms me, I want to talk to my mom and I can't and everything just seems that much worse.  I haven't written a word for several months because I really didn't want to keep on the "poor me, my parents died" theme but you know what? My parents died and while grownup me accepts and understands it all, the me that still wants her mom and dad to talk to when the world is ugly and scary doesn't understand and will never accept that they are gone and not coming back.  These two factions have been at war and have definitely handicapped me in a lot of ways, but I'm trying.

I figure if I just lay it all out and organize it, I can start to shed some of the darkness and really step back into the lighter place I normally occupy, so bear with me for a bit.

For starters, 2016 really needs to take it down a notch, from mom, David Bowie and Alan Rickman to Prince and Ali, can we be done for a while, please?

I try to keep my little corner of the blogosphere fairly politic free, so I'm just going to do this once. I hate what our system has become. We LOVE to hold ourselves up as this shining example of democracy and, in this woman's opinion, we are screwing it up so hard.  I tire of paying a bunch of people to do nothing.  If the rest of us went to work and said it out loud that we had no intention of doing our jobs because we don't like the other people in the office, our asses would be out the door while the words still hung in the cartoon speech bubble over our heads.
I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend the reality that someone like Donald Trump is a viable candidate for the highest office in the land.  To people who support him, I am not going to vilify you or call you names, I just want to say one thing.  I am so sorry that things are going so badly in your life, that you are so afraid and beaten down that embracing a man with nothing to offer but hate, isolation and fear seems like the only way back.  I hope you find something to believe in, something to bring you joy before it is too late.  My dearest wish is that your world, your life, your situation improves to the point that you have room for hope and joy and love again.  It's dark as hell right now, but remember that even in these tense and troubling times, people are good, we are good and the only way through the dark stuff is by reaching for the light.  There is light, I believe it with every bit of my soul.  All is not lost and we're going to get through it the only way we can, together.
I refuse to let the ugliness of rhetoric, bluster and political posturing drive me under the bed or into a bunker.  I do not believe my country is a hate filled place, I know it's good, despite what they show us on the news.  I am not going to let CNN, Twitter, Facebook or Fox rob me of my joy and my optimism, it's mine and you can't have it.  I will share it with you, I will help you find some of your own and I will celebrate with you when you do. I challenge you to find some joy in each day.  Not a chuckle, not a fleeting ghost of a smile, but something that when you think of it later in the day, you smile and get all warm and fuzzy.  Go play Pokemon and walk around your neighborhood, stomp in the puddle, pop the bubble wrap, eat the damn cookie. Just fricking do it and quit being an old poop.  I'm sure I'm sounding naive and perhaps even a bit simple to some, but to the rest, I ask you to give it a shot.  You might live longer, or at least you'll be happier while you last.  Take a step back, turn off the world and just find something that brings you joy, you need it, trust me.