Saturday, November 5, 2016

To My Family

As we come the the close of "the year of firsts", I need to pay tribute to my family.  I have these three sisters, you see, and I don't know that I have ever told them how truly bad ass I think they are.  I had to watch from afar for most of the year from hell as they juggled everything.  They had jobs they had to do, they had families that needed them and they had these two parents that careened off the rails at the same time.  They managed to handle it all, work as an incredible team and still love each other when the dust settled.  I don't know if they realized just how mammoth an undertaking that was, it was just something they had to do.  They coordinated doctor's appointments, emergency room trips, long term and rehabilitative care; they arranged cleaning, repair and emptying our beloved family home and no one hated each other when it was over.  I am not afraid of our family drifting apart because these incomparable women are made of the kind of glue that never, ever loses its strength.  I am in awe of them and I doubt I could ever come close to adequately expressing how much I love them.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my brothers in law, the men who slogged through that mess with them.  In a day and age when something like one in three marriages end in divorce, they have chosen so well.  Four of us, all 20 years in and we're all here, still together and that's a hell of a thing.  These men that arrived in our family 25 and 30 years ago walked through fire with us and lightened the load that threatened to bury us last year.  They are my brothers, my friends and the men I admire the most because they love my sisters and endured that terrible year with patience, grace and an unbelievable amount of manual labor.  There is no way we could have made it through without you, we are so lucky.

Their kids put up with their lives being upended as well.  They pitched in and did the heavy lifting, the cleaning and whatever else was needed, they showed us what wonderful adults they are and will be. They put up with moms that weren't as available, that were maybe more fragile than they'd ever seen and dads that were perhaps feeling helpless and unsure.  These kids are our legacy and I'm not worried about what kind of people they're going to be when they grow up because I've already seen what they're made of.  I'm so proud of them.

My husband felt as bewildered and helpless as I did, but never let me see that.  He kept me calm when I became frantic and guilt ridden that I wasn't down there in the trenches with my sisters.  He sat on the floor next to me when I'd finally crack and dissolve into sobs because it seemed my world was ending.  He never complained when I left every other week and came back wrecked because I didn't want to be here, but there.  I won the lottery when I married that man.

My boys saw their mom falling apart at the seams and showed me what wonderful men they're going to be.  They did everything in their power to make it better and they succeeded, I don't know if I've ever told them how much they helped me during that awful time.  I see so much of their father's deep compassion in my boys, they already are good men.

The extended family saved our sanity time and time again.  They showed up and did whatever needed to be done, dirty work included.  They reminded us again and again that we were not doing this all alone and that they always and forever have our backs.  I know our cousins will forever bring us joy and laughter and that feeling that the world can never break us because we have them.  My earliest memories are of them and my deepest love is for them.

The aunts are the old guard, they have the stories and the memories of what came before all of us.  They are the grande dames and the mothers of us all now.  These three women are our pillars and our roots.  They knew mom and dad before they were mom and dad, they loved us all from the beginning and we owe so much to their influence in our lives.

Our non-blood family showed us that family isn't always family.  They loved us and supported us and did not leave us when things got bad.  Mom and dad's oldest friends stuck through it with them until the bitter end and held us up as we waded through our grief, we did not drown because of these people.  They were a life raft, they were the hug from mom and dad that we needed as we buried our parents and said those painful goodbyes.

I don't know how I will ever repay these incredible people that got us through, there is nothing I can say except thank you and I love all of you more than I can ever possibly express.