Agreed?

This special post comes from my brother in law, a dedicated parent and long-suffering official in a number of kids' athletics. He has generously assembled the following.

Any parent who enrolls his/her child in any kind of organized competitive activity must read, understand and sign off on the following document.

I,__________________ have read and understand and will adhere to the following. Failure to comply with any of the notations listed below will result in my immediate banishment from all my child’s activities/sports for a minimum of one year.

1.I will willingly volunteer to actively participate in any manner to help promote the love, comprehension and appreciation of the activities to which I have enrolled my child, no matter how crappy, demeaning or beneath me I consider the assignment.

a.This will include but not be limited to; fundraiser, assistant coach, time keeper, statistician, car pool organizer, game day site person, uniform washer, water boy, skate or shoe tying, tournament check-in person, phone list organizer, nose blowing/wiping, first aid kit holder, crowd control.

b.Under no circumstances will I ever carry my child’s equipment bag. I will not check to see that the bag is packed properly, all uniforms are pulled out for cleaning, that equipment is hung out for drying, that clean socks and under garments are packed appropriately for the activity. The only exception is if my child becomes injured and requires removal from the game for medical treatment.

c.I will bring my child to any practice or competition at the prescribed time with all of the required accessories. I will actually stop the car when I drop the child off. If I leave the area, I will ensure that a working contact number is left with a responsible adult who can find me. When the activity is over, I will be waiting for my child. Each additional minute another adult has to wait for you to get your sorry ass back to pick up your abandoned child, again, will cost you $10. This is not free day care. Bring your overpriced latte-shmatte to the game.

d.If the activity involves physical exertion, I will not drop him/her at the door so that he/she can then run around the rink/gym/center for 20 minutes screwing around with his/her friends when they are supposed to be getting ready. Park as far from the door as the site will allow.

e.There are 4 clearly defined roles for any activity; participant, spectator, official, coach. YOU GET TO BE ONLY ONE!!!! Deviation from your assigned role will result in your immediate expulsion from the event with a yearlong ban starting immediately.

2.If there is a nationally recognized body overseeing this activity and there are rules governing activity, I will contact the organization or local affiliate to obtain a copy of the rules.

a.I will read and study these rules. I will also enroll and pass the minimum official certification requirements for the activity/sport. You will be surprised what you don’t know.

b.I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER shout any of the following at the officials ever again. It confirms you are an ignorant blow hard.
i.Let ‘em play
ii.There are two teams out there
iii.That’s brutal
iv.Get in the game, Ref

3.Coaches will be treated with the respect earned by someone who has to put up with your untalented, snotty kid as well as your insistent ranting that he/she is guaranteed to be in The Show. Coaches: These people are almost universally unpaid volunteers because 99.9% of parents don’t follow 1. and 1.a above.

a.Coaches will coach, officials will officiate, and players will play. ‘Nuff said.

b.Coaches will attend and pass all required certifications. They will also enroll and pass the most extensive official testing requirements offered by the national governing body. Learn the damn rules!!!

c.Screaming at the official over any call or non-call will NEVER reverse it. They don’t care who wins. It only proves you are not living the code of sportsmanship which is supposed to be the foundation of any activity. Besides, you look like a jack ass while you are doing it.

d.I will express my dissatisfaction over a penalty call in a controlled adult manner. Doesn’t matter that Ray Charles could have seen the call better than the official.

e.I will remain in control of my emotions and actions as well as my staff and players. If I am out of control, they will be as well.

4.I accept the fact that my child will never be a professional athlete in any manner. This is an activity which will reveal and build character in a positive fashion.

5.The farther they advance within the ranks of the activity does not validate the job I have done as a parent. They may become a professional but you still stunk as a parent.

6.I will leave behind my “glory days”. This isn’t about me. I have had my time.